Brothers and Sisters,
This section of Matthew’s Gospel has Jesus reflecting on how to deal with forgiveness and sin. Today we reflect in verses 21-19:1 and Jesus speaks about forgiveness of a more personal nature.
The scene opens with Peter reacting to what Jesus has just taught about sin that affects the whole community. He asks very naively how many times he must forgive a brother who has wronged him. He suggests 7 times as to intimate that he thinks this to be an extremely generous offer. However, Jesus immediately corrects him that 77 times is actually more appropriate. Jesus, in referring to the number 77, may be reflecting on the story of Lamech as found in the book of Genesis. Lamech was a descendant of Cain and he like many of Cain’s descendants were not good people often causing much pain and doing evil to others. In Genesis 4:24 Lamech makes a statement about revenge and states that if 7 times was good enough for Cain then his thirst for vengeance would be 77 times worse. Jesus here may be giving the antithesis of Lamech and calling for his followers to follow a very different path than Lamech and be sources of unlimited forgiveness rather than unlimited vengeance.
To illustrate the point Jesus tells the parable of the ‘Unforgiving Servant’. The story revolves around a servant – most likely a court minister, who borrows a huge amount from the King. In the Greek the amount is literally translated as a ‘myriad’ of talents. A myriad being equivalent to 10,000 and ‘talents’ being the largest coin worth approximately 6,000 denarii. A denarius being the average days wage in Jesus’ day. So, we are talking about an amount of money greater than any laborer in Jesus’ day might make in 100 lifetimes. The servant is summoned before the King to pay up his debt. The servant knowing that he can’t possibly pay back the King, humbles himself falling to his knees and begs for mercy and more time to pay back his debts. The King moved with pity does the unthinkable. While it was his right and a common practice of the day to sell the servant and his household and all his belongings to make up for what he is owed – remember this is an astronomical amount – the King does the unthinkable and hearing his plea and seeing his contrition, forgives the whole debt.
In the next scene the same servant shows a tremendous lack of mercy when he meets up with a fellow servant who owes him a paltry sum in comparison to the amount, he owed the King. Rather than showing compassion, he responds with violence, threatening the man to pay back what he owes and literally attacks him trying to choke it out of him. When his fellow servant also humbles himself, as he did before the King, this selfish servant has the servant thrown into jail.
The King ultimately learns of what the first servant has done and how he has treated a fellow servant. He summons him and accuses him of his wickedness. How he would show no mercy to a fellow servant when he himself had received mercy for the greater offense. To end the parable Jesus narrates that the King sent the wicked servant off to be tortured till he could pay back the vast sum he previously owed the King- which in essence would be never!
With that Jesus sets the tone that his disciples should be prepared to forgive limitlessly or seventy-seven times. For if the King, (God), is merciful to them for their failures, how much more should his disciples be prepared to forgive one another genuinely from their heart.
How to deal with someone who has wronged us. Emotions aside, Jesus gives us some very good advice about dealing with a rather painful issue. It’s a point-by-point way of addressing the problem and you have to wonder if maybe he came to this conclusion having to deal with disagreements between the disciples! In any case, while he addresses how to fix the problem, he doesn’t quite tell us how to get beyond how we feel when someone wrongs us. I often find that this is the bigger issue for most people. I have been asked countless times what to do in this circumstance. How do I forgive someone I love when they have wronged me?
I have come to the conclusion in my short time on the earth that forgiveness is a process. We can say the words “I forgive you”, and that makes things better for the immediate moment, but being free of the emotional baggage is a different story. Often, we carry those scars around with us just under skin and they resurface as soon as that person offends us again, or someone else who might mistakenly say or do something similar to hurt us speaks out, and there it is, that open wound. How do we heal these wounds so that we can move forward and be free of them? I say it’s a process.
The process starts with you. I think we have to first recognize our own capacity for inflicting wounds in others. Remembering the times where our words or deeds have caused great pain in others. What does this do? I think sometimes when someone hurts us the pain of the hurt blinds us to seeing things realistically. Our instinct is to turn inward and focus on our hurt, almost nursing the wound. When we recognize our capacity to hurt others it helps us to see a bigger picture, beyond what I feel has been done to me. Does it excuse the hurt? No. But it does force me to see my own capacity to cause pain in others. I have not just been hurt, but I have hurt others.
Next, we need to turn to God. First, to remember the forgiveness that God has extended to us. We are all sinners in need of his grace and mercy. God forgives with amazing generosity all of our failings if we repent and truly have grief for what we have done. The forgiveness we have received as a gift, we also need to give as a gift. Now that might seem like a tall order. God is perfect and we are not. This is where God’s grace is so vital. Alone I can do nothing but wallow in my own pain, but with his grace the boulders I cannot lift, become pebbles in his hand! I can’t forgive the way he does, but with his help I can find that grace to forgive from the heart. How do we accomplish this? We have to first be willing to let go of the hurt – stop nursing it. It is a sheer act of will. “God I cannot do this on my own. I need your help to be free of this burden.” It is a handing over of the problem and placing it squarely in God’s hands. Saying this and meaning it is the hardest part, you see, so often that instinct to hold on to hurt forces us to withdraw into ourselves and return to that pain. It takes great courage and a true desire to be free. We need to constantly and consciously will this pain to be placed in God’s hands. I believe this is what makes true forgiveness a process. Does this happen overnight? No. But if we work at it, slowly practicing letting it go to God’s hands, sooner or later we will leave it there. Is it easy? No, but it’s well worth the effort. When we finally let go of these old hurts we are changed by the process. We become more like the one who forgives us so greatly and so become much more ready to forgive.
Is there someone I am angry with? Is there someone I have withheld forgiveness to for something they have done? Anger and with-holding forgiveness can damage the soul. We may think our anger is hurting the person who hurt us in the first place, but that is incorrect. I only hurt myself. If you are holding on to a grievance or anger, I invite you today to start the process of healing by asking the Lord to help you forgive the hurt you feel, so that you can be free and give forgiveness to others the way God grants it to you.
Peace,
Fr. Steve
